How to Support Dark-Skinned Black Women on Valentine's Day
By Kishara Joy Griffin, MSW, Sister Circle Therapist
Let’s GET ON THE SAME PAGE: Colorism is REAL! Colorism is a system of discrimination that favors lighter-skinned individuals, particularly within Black communities. While it’s often seen as an intracommunal offense, colorism is in fact a function of racism. It was created by white slaveholders, lawmakers, and civilians. It was designed to perpetuate white dominance and further divide the Black community.
For those who might be unclear about what colorism is, it can be defined as a form of systemic favoritism: a social structure within American culture that privileges individuals with lighter skin tones and features associated with whiteness, such as straighter hair, less African facial features.
Historically, skin color determined your proximity to privilege. Darker-skinned Black people were more likely to live in substandard conditions, far from the quarters of their white slaveowners. Skin tone also influenced the degree of harsh treatment one would endure. Lighter-skinned individuals often had more access to resources — like food, housing, and education — while darker-skinned individuals faced harsher conditions.
Even after emancipation, skin tone continued to shape Black people's access to social capital. The phenomenon known as "passing" refers to individuals of mixed racial backgrounds who could present themselves as white to gain social, economic, and political advantages.
Currently, racism still impacts every area of society — and colorism is no exception. Studies have shown that Black women, particularly those with darker skin, are disproportionately affected by the harmful effects of colorism. For example, Dr. Umar Johnson often expresses on various platforms, the following: Black women with darker skin tones are less likely to get married than lighter-skinned Black women, with marriage rates among lighter-skinned Black women being significantly higher. In fact, only about 1 in 4 Black women will marry in their lifetime, and the overwhelming majority of those who do are lighter-skinned. Although we have never seen his school, and question his political agenda, his statements have been based on research that concluded these claims.
In the world of dating, this bias plays out in ways that are painful and often core-shaken for Dark Skin Sistas, like myself. Over the years, I have witnessed darker-skinned Black women frequently being overlooked, undervalued, or subject to harmful stereotypes, such as being labeled as less feminine, "angrier," or even "hyper-masculine." These stereotypes are rooted in deep racial and cultural histories that paint darker-skinned Black women as less desirable or more threatening. As one study in Psychology of Women Quarterly (2012) revealed, Black women with darker skin are more likely to face negative evaluations in romantic and professional settings.
It's frustrating, it's damaging, and it’s downright INSANE. But as we approach Valentine’s Day, there’s an opportunity for us to make a meaningful impact by showing love, support, and solidarity with the dark-skinned Black women in our lives.
Here are four ways you can stand in support of dark-skinned Black women on Valentine’s Day:
Acknowledge and Affirm Their Beauty
Too often, darker-skinned Black women are made to feel invisible or undesirable. A simple yet powerful way to show support is by affirming their beauty, not just on Valentine’s Day, but all year long. Compliment their features, their skin tone, and let them know they are loved and appreciated. Encouragement goes a long way in dismantling harmful stereotypes.
Challenge Colorism in Your Circles
As Valentine’s Day celebrations unfold, use your platform to challenge colorism in conversations. If you hear people perpetuating harmful stereotypes about darker-skinned Black women, speak up. Create a space where people can have open and honest conversations about the impact of colorism and the importance of embracing all shades of Blackness. Your voice can help educate and influence others to think more critically about these issues.
Celebrate Their Achievements
Darker-skinned Black women often go underappreciated, despite their many accomplishments. Take the time to celebrate their contributions in your life, whether it’s their career, their talents, or the ways they impact their communities. Giving them the recognition they deserve can be a powerful way to show your support.
Give Thoughtful and Personalized Gifts
A great way to show love and appreciation is by giving a thoughtful gift that takes into account their individual interests and preferences. Skip the generic, mass-produced items, and focus on what makes them feel truly seen and valued. This could be anything from a customized piece of jewelry, to a book by a Black author, to a spa day that celebrates self-care.
By acknowledging the impact of colorism and committing to showing love and support, we can all play a part in making sure dark-skinned Black women feel valued and celebrated — especially on Valentine’s Day. We can collectively work to dismantle colorist practices and create a culture of love, respect, and inclusion for darker-skinned Black women!