BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month: The Power of Friendship
By Kishara Joy Griffin, MSW, Sister Circle Therapist
"Check on your strong friends! Don't believe us, I promise we are just pretending.” – Ebony Stewart
Sounds like a cute statement, but where is the lie? In the poem “Mental health Barz” written by Ebony Stewart, she highlights her exceptional accomplishments while paralleling those accomplishments with the barriers she faces living fully human and fully Black. In spite of her personal challenges, Ebony highlights what can be the ever-present experience of many Black-identified female-bodied persons navigating life. Whew, chile, “check on your strong friend” hits differently when you are the strong friend. From the five-minute poem, what stood out to me the most was this specific bar. Why? Because so many thoughts come to mind when I hear the delivery of the bar alone. I wonder: What makes a strong friend so inspirational to others yet so isolated within their friend groups?
To be a strong friend, it requires one to mask their own vulnerability. Showing up for others consistently requires one to place their needs to the side and hold space for the people they love and carry through seasons of celebration and pain. Being a strong friend comes with its own sets of rewards and unique challenges that tend to prevent the strong one from feeling fully supported. What happens when a strong friend is backed into the wall with their own mental health struggles? Who does that strong friend tend to lean on? Is it you?
Did you know showing up for your friends can support them with an overall positive sense of self and well-being? In an article titled, “How a Strong Social Network Supports Physical and Emotional Health,” Mahzad Hojjat, PhD, a professor of psychology and chairperson at UMass Dartmouth, states the following: “A sense of belonging fulfills an important emotional health need and helps decrease feelings of depression and hopelessness.” The article then shares the following, “Friends can help boost self-esteem and offset life stressors.” Having friends can go a long way for mental and emotional well-being, and considering the strong friend in the circle can bring value to them by giving them the space to be accepted in their vulnerability. It can give them a chance to be affirmed and restored when life starts Lyfing.
Allowing yourself to show up for the folks who have been consistently showing up for you, in their darkest hour, can bring about a sweet sacredness to friendship. The reciprocal cycle of love and support will allow for growth in the dynamic and for everyone to get a chance to be held and nurtured. In a blog piece by Elle Febbo, “7 Signs of a Sacred Friendship,” Elle outlines what she defines as the key indicators to having one, including within the outlines of truth telling, not allowing friends to wallow too long (in sadness) and celebrating authentically for the success of a friend. She also mentions GIVING that friend a CALL.
Asserting the statement, “It sometimes feels like email, text messaging, and social media are taking over the art of traditional conversation. I know, picking up the phone and making a call (much like a handwritten letter — remember those?) can feel so old-school, but it shouldn’t, because it isn't!” Later in the article, Elle implies that calling can bring a sense of positive regard into the friend dynamic, just by knowing someone took the time to thoughtfully reach out and check in. Breaking away from the cultural norms of sending random memes every once in a while, to sitting with that strong friend of yours in person or over the phone are small ways to significantly show up for your friend.
Who are the strong people in your life you haven’t checked on? What are the barriers preventing you from checking in just to say “Hey, I love you”? This month is BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month. How can you consider a strong friend to support them with their overall emotional and mental health? What needs to be determined about your capacity to check in with them? What will it look like for you to hold space for your sacred friendships as you move through this month with the awareness of the strong friend and their needs? Being held by a strong friend can be the most enduring feeling to have in any season of life, but what can it feel like to hold that strong friend up?
Happy BIPOC MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH!