Co-Parenting for the Holidays
By Kishara Joy Griffin, MSW, Sister Circle Therapist
Co-parenting, like any partnership, comes with its own set of challenges, especially during the holidays. While navigating these hurdles can be tough, the rewards of overcoming them can be truly fulfilling. To help ease the potential stress and enhance the joy of the season, I’ve compiled a list of strategies to make co-parenting during the holidays a more positive experience:
Set Boundaries: Boundaries are HUGE in any relationship — they’re our superpower! They help ensure safety and serve as a personalized action plan for addressing any breakdowns in safety. Discussing both individual and shared boundaries, and ways each parent can respect the other’s limits on “off-limits” topics, along with discussing the practice of traditions, and family visits, can foster a sense of calm and security during the holiday season.
Prioritize the Kids: Keeping the children at the center of holiday celebrations can lead to a more positive outcome. While holidays are often seen as joyful and loving, they can also bring out pettiness in some individuals. By establishing a shared intention to focus on the children's happiness and well-being, co-parents can help ensure that kids feel loved and secure, minimizing conflicts during this time. Being present and committed to this intention can foster a sense of unity in the co-parenting dynamic, even if it hasn’t been fully established yet.
Consider New Traditions: When I think of the holiday season, I often reflect on the changing weather and the transition from fall to winter. This time of year encourages a slowing down of our daily routines. In the context of co-parenting, I often think about how healthy co-parenting relationships shift from the typical American family structure and offer a new blueprint and rhythm to parenting and what healthy child rearing can look like. This offers an opportunity to honor your family dynamic. By creating traditions that reflect your family’s unique rhythm, you can redefine family values and put them into practice. Spending time with the other co-parent and the children to practice these new traditions can add excitement to the holiday season and strengthen the bonds within your family dynamic.
Share Responsibilities: Co-parenting is never perfect! There are times when one parent may act as the default parent for life and, for others, at certain times of the year. Communicating effectively during this time, if both parents plan to share the holidays jointly with the child(ren), can run a bit smoother if it is agreed to share responsibilities. Dividing tasks like gift shopping, cooking, and transportation can reduce the stress that the holiday season may add. Collaborating on these tasks and responsibilities can also help create a sense of partnership and may lead to a more enjoyable holiday season.